A video on civil engineering: Groundwater is
huge and difficult to plan for. The pressure on the
structure of a reservoir comes mostly from way
way below in the rock and can sweep the dam out
from under itself. They learnt to build the walls of
reservoirs widest deep down in the earth. A huge
triangle wedge to hold this invisible force.

A diner party: Queer friends and queers becoming
friends. Laughing and chewing over questions
like: what’s the strongest muscle of the body?
tongue or anus?

Not heart? Not wing?

What can hold (hide) the most?

The heart is an impossible reservoir.
The cup runneth over.
Rain drops and Kenneth’s sweat,
beads and rolls off.

Are wings possible walls?

I tied a string around my heart and
gave you the other end to tie around yours.
A line. A direct invisible force.

I wink with my whole face,
so you can see me.

The dictionary says: Hide is the skin of animals
for the use of humans.
One of those parallax English words that jumps
depending on which eye is open.
Wink and hear “conceal”.
Wink again, hear “skin”.
The protected and the exposed.

Hides the inside and is the edges. (Feathered?)
Does the hide hold it all in? All of it?
Can you still see me? I’ve been winking.

The animals have things to say. Listen with one eye: fur.
Listen with the other: feather.
Fur|feather, fur|feather, fur|feather.

I just learnt that
if you tie a string around your heart and give
me the other end we can wear leather and rest
in feathers.

Will you cup my heart?

The painted lines have things to say.
Words seem simple.
Hearts tied like tin can telephones.
A feather boa is a direct line from me to you.
Pull it tight and listen,
I have questions.
Pull it tight and
Tell me what you keeps you up.

At night

We are horse from whispering
dreams and doubts.
The heart can’t hold it all
it wakes
Ground quakes and bursts to tell you

I learnt that

I am an impossible reservoir

The walls open.
The feathers cup to hold more feathers.
There’s water everywhere.
Eyes look up winking while open.
Words whinny.
They hold the relations of structure and form:
the perceptible meeting of each other’s essence.
A direct line. Wink, wink.
A thousand conversations hide in their looks.

But we’re learning about texture
and the noise of chatting at dinner
and nestedness still facing us.
Blinking with eyes open.

I learn
Feathers dust.

I will describe wanting
Skin not hide
Cup my heart and close my eyes.

Then cups spill and lines are re-tied
O heart, breached again.

Who said the ecstatic was God’s domain?

text by Jay Tan

graphic design by Augustinas Milkus